Oh No She Didn’t!

One thing that drives me absolutely crazy when is when a chick is playing the net and gets in a tizzy when a speeding tennis ball comes flying at her and she becomes one with the ball.  I rarely ever hit someone with a ball, but it can happen when going for a passing shot or  when trying for an angle.  Having said that I’ve been the recipient of a few of these balls- not all of them unintentional.  If you are getting hit with a ball at the net then it is most likely your fault.  I enjoy playing the net and realize there is a risk in doing so.  Here are some tips for playing the net:

  • Always keep your eye on the ball; if your partner ends up hitting the ball right to the person on the other side of the net you will see them readying their racket.  Once you see the net player on the other side getting ready or if you see that your partner is going to hit the ball to them, then you need to MOVE, MOVE back.
  • Both of you and your partner need to master the lob – preferably one that lands in the corner (down the line) near  the baseline behind the opposing net player.
  • Look at your position in the service box.  If you are standing near the service line, then you deserve to get pegged.  This is the area where the ball will be at it’s final descent, hitting the ground at your feet.  You need to be closer to the net in order to get the ball before it starts descending.  Positioning yourself slightly over the half-way point in the service box is much better for having better angles at contact and increases your chance of getting the ball over and in the court.
  • This is more advanced, but if your partner keeps giving the net person a by-one-get-one-free on overhead shots and this person always hits the exact same overhead, then come in to the net when you see this instead of back.  You have a better chance of getting the overhead soon after it hits the ground rather than chasing it back where it will most likely bounce over your head.

Good luck and remember- most of your net problems can be solved by keeping your eye on the ball and proper positioning.  Simple enough, but soon to forget.

The Joys of League Tennis

Ahhh, the smell of wet clay in the morning.  If you are like me, then you are out there swinging the racket as much as you can- or as much as your gimpy elbow or knee will allow.  I’m lucky enough that I live in a place that offers up a lot of recreational tennis and can play much of the year. Although league tennis makes this great sport more accessible, it also puts you in play with some crazy ass bitches.  When you think about it, what kind of person wakes up to tennis shoes beside their bed, puddles of clay throughout the house, tennis gear in the trunk for some pick up matches, and has permanent sock lines on the ankles? I don’t deny it, I embrace it.  I love the game and I’m here to shed some light on what really goes on in women’s league tennis.  If brash, open and honest language offends you, then The Tennis Bitch may not be your cup of tea.

In league tennis we have several kinds of players. Let me digress.

Line Hoor–  Loves he passing shot and balls that dangerously hug the baseline. Good luck against her.
Smasher –  Better run back when she gets an overhead shot or you’ll be adding lots of yellow fiber to your diet.
The Queen B– For this girl playing league tennis is like going to the other side of the tracks. She’d much rather be safe within the confines of her club, but steps out on occasion to grace us with her country club skills and bejeweled body.
The Prunes– We love these ladies. They’ve been playing tennis as long as it’s been a sport.  They are spry, crafty and command the the court and love a good slice.
Short Cake– Damn those short balls! This gal specializes in having a short tennis game and those angles drive us crazy.
Lobber– Somewhere over the rainbow- you get the idea.
Hot Mess– This girl is hitting it hard and fast and usually is competing against herself.

Did I leave any one out? I’d love to hear from you.