Ahhh, the smell of wet clay in the morning. If you are like me, then you are out there swinging the racket as much as you can- or as much as your gimpy elbow or knee will allow. I’m lucky enough that I live in a place that offers up a lot of recreational tennis and can play much of the year. Although league tennis makes this great sport more accessible, it also puts you in play with some crazy ass bitches. When you think about it, what kind of person wakes up to tennis shoes beside their bed, puddles of clay throughout the house, tennis gear in the trunk for some pick up matches, and has permanent sock lines on the ankles? I don’t deny it, I embrace it. I love the game and I’m here to shed some light on what really goes on in women’s league tennis. If brash, open and honest language offends you, then The Tennis Bitch may not be your cup of tea.
In league tennis we have several kinds of players. Let me digress.
Line Hoor– Loves he passing shot and balls that dangerously hug the baseline. Good luck against her.
Smasher – Better run back when she gets an overhead shot or you’ll be adding lots of yellow fiber to your diet.
The Queen B– For this girl playing league tennis is like going to the other side of the tracks. She’d much rather be safe within the confines of her club, but steps out on occasion to grace us with her country club skills and bejeweled body.
The Prunes– We love these ladies. They’ve been playing tennis as long as it’s been a sport. They are spry, crafty and command the the court and love a good slice.
Short Cake– Damn those short balls! This gal specializes in having a short tennis game and those angles drive us crazy.
Lobber– Somewhere over the rainbow- you get the idea.
Hot Mess– This girl is hitting it hard and fast and usually is competing against herself.
Did I leave any one out? I’d love to hear from you.